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March 31 C/C++
bases de datos_____________
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compJava 2 Runtime Environment 6 Beta
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March 23 Diseño Tecnologias y algo MasNovedadesArtículos escritos en esta categoría Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Domingo 06 Nov. 2005 - 02:35 pm Si asi es la tienda Oakley acaba de sacar al mercado unos lentes modelo Thump 2 que incorporan un reproductor MP3 en las patillas cuya capacidad varía entre los 256 Mb y el Gb de memoria de hecho un gadget muy a la moda. Sitio Oficial  Excelente convocatoria realizada en Mexico para los diseñadores y todo aquel que sienta poder realizar un cartel en contra de la delincuencia, de esta forma todo los carteles formarán parte de la imagen e identidad de la “Asociación Civil México Unido contra la Delincuencia”…muy buena la idea, espero que algún senador o alguién con influencia (ni cagando un juez de tribunal) imite esta genial campaña ya que como en Mexico aquí la delincuencia se esta desbordando. Vía Isopixel  Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Miércoles 19 Oct. 2005 - 12:10 am Aún no sale al mercado y los cientos de fanáticos de todo el mundo ya han escogido las carcazas que saldrán junto a la consola. Por el momento son cinco los modelos que estarían disponibles los que fueron escogidos en un sondeo realizado por Microsoft entre futuros compradores hace un par de meses. Los modelos llevarán los nombres de Sun, Wood, Pink Ballon, Water Puzzle y Silver, y abarcarán una amplia variedad de estilos. Se ha desvelado que su precio en Japón será de 2.100 yenes, unos 10 mil pesos shilenos.
Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Miércoles 12 Oct. 2005 - 02:52 pm Los problemas que acarrea el negocio de la prensa impresa podrían afrontarse con el desarrollo de un dispositivo electrónico, similar al iPod, pero pensado para sustituir al papel. David Carr escribe un interesante artículo en "The New York Times" que sostiene que los problemas de la prensa impresa residen en el soporte: el papel. Un soporte no reciclable y nada ecológico, aunque sobre todo muy anticuado y que según Carr podría ser la causa de todos los problemas de la prensa escrita. La solución podría venir en forma de un dispositivo electrónico de lectura, con una pantalla de calidad que impida distinguirla de un papel y que sirva de base a un nuevo modelo de suscripción de contenidos, similar a iTunes, pero escrito. Un dispositivo que además dispusiera de conexión a la red desde donde actualizarse. Un reproductor digital para los ojos… Fuente
Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Sábado 08 Oct. 2005 - 03:13 pm Ya que esta la nueva version de flash la 8 ya se habla de lo nuevo que vendriá siendo flash player 8.5 y AS 3, esto me entere desde la web de Martin Pulido quien tradujo muy bien el articulo en que se comenta acerca de las novedades que se vienen para flash8. Una Nueva Fundación para las RIA: Flash Player 8.5 Flash Player, la espina dorsal de la Plataforma Flash, se está desarrollando para incluirse a la línea de producto Flex 2 y la siguiente generación de RIAs. Sobre los versiones del Player, desde que comenzó como cliente para reproducir animaciones, extendiendo incrementalmente su lenguaje de scripting (ActionScript) añadiendo soporte para el estándar ECMAScript (el mismo que pauta el desarrollo de JavaScript). Por el lanzamiento de Flash Player 7, ActionScript se implementó con una gran mayoría del estándar ECMA. Con Flash Player 8.5 (programado para ser incluido en la línea de producto Flex 2), se introducirá ActionScript 3.0, un poderoso lenguaje de programación orientado a objetos (POO) diseñado para aumentar la productividad y funcionamiento basado en la siguiente generación del estándar ECMAScript. Flash Player 8 (lanzado en Septiembre de 2005) ha supuesto grandes avances en el motor de renderización, introduciendo una serie de extensas de características de expresividad (filtros, controles avanzados de degradados, renderización y así sucesivamente), y avances en el soporte de video (códec de la más alta calidad, soporte de canales alpha, etc) que no tienen competencia en el mundo de la web hoy en día. Flash Player 8 también mejora enormemente las APIs que permiten al desarrollador comunicación entre las aplicaciones corriendo en el player, el modelo de objeto HTML de los navegadores, y asociado a las funciones JavaScript, hacen que sea más fácil para los desarrolladores añadir componentes Flash a las aplicaciones web ya existentes. Flash Player 8.5 se construye sobre los avances de Flash Player 8 centrándose en mejorar la ejecución de scripts en la máquina virtual. En realidad, incluye algo nuevo, la altamente optimizada Maquína Virtual de ActionScript (AVM) conocida como AVM2. AVM2 se construye para trabajar con la siguiente generación de ActinoScript 3.0 para soportar las necesidades de los desarrolladores de RIA. La nueva máquina virtual es significantemente rápida, soporta rutinas enteras de reporte de errores y depuración según los estándar de la industria. Incluye soporte para socket binarios, permitiendo a los desarrolladores extender el player para trabajar en cualquier protocolo binario. Flash Player 8.5 también contiene AVM1, que ejecuta código ActionScript 1.0 y 2.0, para una compatibilidad anterior con contenido existente y de herencia. Con ActionScript 3.0, hemos alcanzado más que una simple conformidad con el estándar ECMAScript; Macromedia ahora sigue las pautas del comité ECMAScript y ayuda a conducir su evolución. ActionScript 3.0 ofrece un modo de la compilación para que el tiempo de comprobación-compilación sea más veloz de forma que proporcione ventajas para lenguajes como JAVA o C#. Soporta nuevas características para manipular datos en streamline, incluyendo el estándar E4X (ECMAScript para XML), que extiende el lenguaje y añade XML como tipo de datos nativo, permitiendo así a los desarrolladores interactuar y manipular XML de forma más natural. Esto añade soporte de expresiones regulares para un mejor parseo de texto y procesamiento. Abandona el manejo de eventos de esquemas ad-hoc en la máquina virtual a favor de un modelo unificado basado en el estándar de Eventos W3C DOM. Y ha actualizado perceptiblemente APIs, gracias lo comentado por la audiencia de desarrolladores de aplicaciones. Para una completa vista de las nuevas características, permanece atento, mostraremos una vista general de ActionScript 3.0 y Flash Player 8.5 Alpha.  Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Martes 04 Oct. 2005 - 03:43 pm Disney lanzó en Estados Unidos un reproductor MP3 especialmente diseñado para niños de entre 6 a 12 años. Se llama “Mickey Mix sticks” y está basado en memoria flash. El reproductor dispone de una capacidad de almacenamiento de 128 MB, expansible hasta 1 GB a través del slot de tarjetas SD/MMC que incorpora. Reproduce los formatos MP3 y WMA y la autonomía que ofrece es de diez horas de música. El precio será de 49,99 dólares. Mas detalles  Iconix, es un software de identificación visual que además de facilitar la identificación de los usuarios se nos presenta como la solución a la suplantación de remitentes. Con el objetivo de luchar contra los estafadores bancarios online, la compañía de seguridad por correo electrónico Iconix ha lanzado un software de identificación visual que ayuda a los usuarios de la web a identificar a los remitentes de confianza, es algo parecido al sistema de comentarios para blogs de Gravatar en el que aparece un pequeño icono al lado del comentario, que puede ser tu rostro u otra imágen. Por el momento está disponible para Yahoo Mail, aunque en breve ampliará soporte para Hotmail, Gmail, AOL, Firefox y Outlook. Sitio Oficial  Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Miércoles 28 Sep. 2005 - 09:07 pm La Fundación Mozilla acaba de hacer público el “roadmap” de desarrollo de Mozilla Lightning, un producto que podría poner en serios problemas a Outlook. Mozilla Lightning integrará “Thunderbird” con funcionalidades extras, de calendario y agenda, presionando a los productos comerciales de Microsoft en el área del correo electrónico y las tareas colaborativas. Un producto libre y de calidad, cuya versión 0.1 podría estar en la calle para el mes de noviembre, esperempa tranquilos ya que todo lo que biene de Mozilla es de calidad
Aunque desconocida, la versión española del "Wikcionario" está online desde el 1 de mayo de 2004 y ya dispone de 2.988 entradas exelente esto de las wikis. Escrito por linker Bajo Novedades
Miércoles 21 Sep. 2005 - 04:41 pm Viá Genbeta me entero de Dean Edwards y su proyecto IE7 el cuál se dedica desde hace tiempo a corregir ciertos errores de interpretación del navegador de Microsoft, creando “parches” que están a disposición de cualquier usuario. Así puedes convertir tu versión de Internet Explorer en un navegador compatible con ciertos estándares y capaz de interpretar de forma más adecuada el código CSS, para su optima visualización en todo caso tenemos Firefox y Opera. Sitio Oficial Archivos Mensuales
Categorías
Humor informático
Estos documentos los he conseguido en algún sitio, no preguntes dónde, porque ni sé ni creo que lo averigüe nunca. Pero el caso es que son divertidos, y están aquí para que te rías un poco. ¡Así que no hagas preguntas! :)
como algunas cosas esta en ingles aqui tienen la vercion traducida >clik aqui< Oda al CFrom: stumpf@gtenmc.gtetele.com (Jon S. Stumpf)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
0x0d2C
==========
May your signals all trap
May your references be bounded
All memory aligned
Floats to ints rounded
Remember ...
Non-zero is true
++ adds one
Arrays start with zero
and, NULL is for none
For octal, use zero
0x means hex
= will set
== means test
use -> for a pointer
a dot if its not
? : is confusing
use them a lot
a.out is your program
there's no U in foobar
and, char (*(*x())[])() is
a function returning a pointer
to an array of pointers to
functions returning char
--------------------------------------
jss - Jon S. Stumpf
Programación orientada al vacío con C-- NEW PRODUCT ANNOUNCEMENT: 'C' Language Regression Package
Antiquity Spoffware Solutions
Announces
C-- Void Oriented Programming
Antiquity Spoffware Solutions is proud to announce its latest
fully integrated software package for C programmers. C Programmers
for years now have been frustrated with a myriad of functions
designed for almost sickening efficiency and control. Any programmer
knows that a language so flexible has its drawbacks: Universality.
C-- combines all the power of BASIC, the readability of COBOL, and the
wealth of string and graphics functions associated with FORTRAN.
C-- does away with floats and doubles, chars and ints and
manipulates data entirely in LONG integer form (for portability.)
Here are some examples:
/* This program generates an integer-oriented
#include <cmm.h>
#LOADREGULARCLIBRARYFUNCTION (STDIO.H)
MAIN *OPENCURLYBRACKETPOINTINGLEFT
PRINTFORMATTEDOUTPUT ( "DEMONSTRATION OF C-- FUNCTIONS" ) SEMICOLON
LET THENUMBER A EQUAL 10 SEMICOLON
LET THENUMBER B EQUAL 20 SEMICOLON
IF A .LT. B THEN DO SINGLEFUNCTION
PRINTFORMATTEDOUTPUT( NUMBER, STRING, A, "IS SMALLEST" )
SEMICOLON
OTHERWISE
IF B .LT. B THEN DO SINGLEFUNCTION
PRINTFORMATTEDOUTPUT( NUMBER, STRING, B, "IS SMALLEST" )
SEMICOLON
OTHERWISE
DO NOTHING SEMICOLON
*CLOSECURLYBRACKETPOINTINGRIGHT
The above source, as you may have noticed, is not just a demonstration
of the ASS software team's life-long persistance in the generation of
efficient, compact, (and most of all) READABLE software.
The tried and true principles behind line-buffered input are sure to
delight the seasoned programmer. C-- is sure to invoke images of
keypunches and card readers and leave you happily chugging away at
keyboard.
Write in C (letra de 'Let it Be' ligeramente modificada)When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: "Write in C." As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers: "Write in C." Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, oh, Write in C. LOGO's dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, For science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics! Write in C. If you've just spent nearly 30 hours, Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C. Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, yeah, Write in C. BASIC's not the answer. Write in C. Write in C, Write in C Write in C, oh, Write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C. Letra de 'Yesterday' ligeramente modificadaYesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday. Ríete de ...Un helicóptero viajaba sobre Seattle cuando una avería eléctrica desactivó todo el equipo electrónico de navegación y comunicaciones. Debido a las nubes y la neblina, el piloto no podía determinar la posición del helicóptero ni hacia qué dirección estaba el aeropuerto.El piloto vio un alto edificio, se dirigió hacia él, dio una vuelta alrededor, escribió un cartel a mano y lo mostró tras la ventana del helicóptero. El cartel decía "¿DÓNDE ESTOY?" en grandes letras. La gente en el edificio elevado respondieron rápidamente al aparato: escribieron un gran cartel, y lo mostraron en una ventana. Su cartel decía "ESTÁ USTED EN UN HELICÓPTERO" El piloto sonrió, saludó, miró en su mapa, determinó el curso para dirigirse al aeropuerto SEATAC, y aterrizó a salvo. Una vez en tierra, el copiloto preguntó al piloto cómo el cartel de "ESTÁ USTED EN UN HELICÓPTERO" le ayudó a determinar su posición. El piloto respondió: "Sabía que tenía que ser el edificio de Microsoft porque me dieron una respuesta técnicamente correcta, pero completamente inútil". Restaurante Microsoft Esta fue la conversación en un restaurante llamado Microsoft. ------------------------------------------------------------- -Cliente: Camarero! -Camarero: Hola, me llamo Bill y soy su Camarero de Soporte. Cuál parece ser el problema? -Cliente: Hay una mosca en mi sopa! -Camarero: Pruebe de nuevo, quizás ahora la mosca ya no esté. -Cliente: No, aún está ahí. -Camarero: Quizás es la forma en la que usted usa la sopa; pruebe a comerla con tenedor. -Cliente: Aunque use el tenedor, la mosca sigue ahí. -Camarero: Quizás la sopa no es compatible con el plato; qué clase de plato está usted usando? -Cliente: Un plato de SOPA! -Camarero: Hmmm, eso debería funcionar. Quizás es un problema de configuración, cómo está configurado el plato? -Cliente: Usted me lo trajo en una bandeja, qué tiene esto que ver con la mosca en mi sopa? -Camarero: Podría usted recordar todo lo que hizo antes de darse cuenta de la mosca estaba en su sopa? -Cliente: Me senté y pedí la Sopa del Día! -Camarero: Ha considerado usted la posibilidad de actualizarse a la última Sopa del Día? -Cliente: Tienen ustedes más de una Sopa del Día cada día? -Camarero: Sí, la Sopa del Día se cambia cada media hora. -Cliente: Bien, de qué es la Sopa del Día disponible ahora? -Camarero: La Sopa del Día actual es de tomate. -Cliente: Bien. Tráigame la sopa de tomate y la cuenta. Se me está haciendo tarde. [El camarero sale y vuelve con otro plato de sopa y la cuenta.] -Camarero: Aquí tiene, señor. La sopa y su cuenta. -Cliente: Esto es sopa de patatas. -Camarero: Sí, la sopa de tomate no estaba todavía lista. -Cliente: Bueno, a estas alturas ya tengo tanta hambre que comer, cualquier cosa. [El camarero se va] -Cliente: Camarero! Hay un mosquito en mi sopa! ---------- La cuenta decía: Sopa del Día ....................................................... $ 5.00 Actualización a la nueva Sopa del Día ................ $ 2.50 ¿Sabías que Microsoft es una empresa ecologista? Sí, porque: 1) Sus sistemas operativos son los sistemas operativos que menos recursos usan del mercado 2) Sus sistemas operativos son reciclables, ya que los cambian para poder sacar otros nuevos al mercado, pero por dentro siguen siendo la misma mierda Microsoft: Micro$oft Microchof Windows: Shell 3.1 Juindozz Windoze Winblows Windows '95: Estafa 95 (Swindlows '95/Rip off '95) Sistema aperitivo (Aperitive system) Bill-guería Windows NT: Windows No Tira Windows Ni Tocarlo INet Explorer: INet Exploder MS-DOS: MS-DOG Emulador de 8086 (8086 emulator) Mierda-Squerosa DOS (Mass of Shit DOS) Microsoft Death Of your System FAT: Fat you! Failure Allocation Table (Tabla de localización de fallos) File Aleatorizating Table (Tabla de aleatorización de ficheros) Fucking Accidental Table (Tabla "fastidiosamente" accidental/accidentada) Failure Abducted Table (Tabla de fallos abducida) File Abomination Table (Tabla de abominación de archivos) File Abortion Table (Tabla de aborto de archivos) Failure Abundant Table (Tabla abundante en fallos) Macs vs Unixby Mike Berry, April 11th 1995UNIX: cd /usr/local/etc/httpd/cgi-bin/registration MAC : click on usr find, then click on local find, then click on etc find, then click on httpd find, then click on cgi-bin find, then click on registration fuck, windows all over the place. close usr close local close etc close httpd close cgi-bin oh, wait, a shortcut!!! "Apple"-F : find registration wait wait some more "show" registration close find application UNIX: cp test.txt /
MAC : Click on "test.txt"
Then hold down the "option" key
if (disk_icon is visible)
{
drag(test.txt to disk_icon)
}
else
{
let go of the "option" key
move everything around sporadically until disk_icon appears
drag(test.txt to disk_icon)
}
UNIX: rm test
MAC : if (you_know_the_super_special_i'd_tell_you_but_i'd_have_to_kill_you_top_secret_key_combination)
{
then do_it;
}
else
{
if (you_can_see_the_trashcan)
{
drag "test" to trashcan
}
else
{
move everything sporadically until you can
see the trashcan
}
Click on Special->Empty Trash
}
UNIX: emacs MAC : simpletextnuff said. UNIX: rm -rf /* MAC : Are you sure you want to do this? y No, really, Are you sure you want to do this?y No, really, can we call your parents first?n I don't really think you meant to do that. y No, really, Are you sure you want to do this?y Perhaps we should discuss the files, one by one. I think we're getting a divorce.y "I ... love ... trash" (stupid sesame street extension) Sorry, system folder is in use. Quit application?y Sorry, cannot quit system folder. Sorry, Item "Trash" cannot be removed because has items in it that are in use. Foto cachonda The Unix Hierarchy of BeingPeople who come into contact with the Unix system are often told, "If you have trouble, see so-and-so, he's a guru", or "Bob there is a real Unix hacker." What is a "Unix Wizard"? How does he differ from a "guru"? To explore these and other questions, here is a draft of the "The Unix Hierarchy": NAME DESCRIPTION AND FEATURES
Beginner - insecure with the concept of a terminal
- has yet to learn the basics of vi
- has not figured out how to get a directory
- still has trouble with typing RETURN
after each line of input
Novice - knows that "ls" will produce a directory
- uses the editor, but calls it "vye"
- has heard of "C" but never used it
- has had a bad experience with rm
- is wondering how to read mail
- is wondering why the person next door
seems to like Unix so very much
User - uses vi and nroff, but inexpertly
- has heard of regular expressions but
never seen one
- has figured out that "-" precedes options
- has attempted to write a C program, but
decided to stick with Pascal
- is wondering how to move a directory
- thinks that dbx is a brand of stereo component
- knows how to read mail and is wondering how
to read the news
Knowledgeable
User - uses nroff with no trouble, and is beginning
to learn tbl and eqn
- uses grep to search for fixed strings
- has figured out that mv(1) will move directories
- has learned that "learn" doesn't help
- somebody has shown him how to write
C programs
- once used sed but checked the file afterwards
- watched somebody use dbx once
- tried "make" but used spaces instead of tabs
Expert - uses sed when necessary
- uses macros in vi, uses ex when necessary
- posts news at every possible opportunity
- is still wondering how to successfully reply
to mail
- writes csh scripts occasionally
- writes C programs using vi and compiles
with make
- has figured out what && and || are for
- uses fgrep because somebody said it
was faster
Hacker - uses sed and awk with comfort
- uses undocumented features of vi
- writes C code with "cat >" and compiles with
"!cc"
- uses adb because he doesn't trust source
debuggers
- figured out how environment variables are
propagated
- writes his own nroff macros to supplement the
standard ones
- writes Bourne shell scripts
- installs bug fixes from the net
- uses egrep because he timed it
Guru - uses m4 and lex with comfort
- writes assembler code with "cat >"
- uses adb on the kernel while the system
is loaded
- customizes Unix utilities by patching the source
- reads device driver source with breakfast
- uses "ed" because "ex" is a Berkeleyism
- can answer any Unix question after a little
thought
- uses make for anything that requires two or
more commands
- has learned how to breach security but no longer
needs to try
- is putting James Woods/Henry Spencer egrep
into his next Unix release
Wizard - writes device drivers with "cat >"
- fixes bugs by patching the binaries
- posts his changes to Unix utilities to the net,
and they work
- can tell what question you are about to ask,
and answers it
- writes his own troff macro packages
- is on a first-name basis with Dennis, Bill,
and Ken
Paquete de funciones de cierto profesor/profesora de la ULPGC#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <sys/signal.h>
#include <string.h>
#define GANAS_DE_SONREIR 2
int explicar (char conseto[])
{
signal (S_STACKOVERBOOKING, sonrisa_tonta);
printf ("%s es... es... ¿cómo se llama?\n", conseto);
if (!fin(conseto))
explicar (otro_conseto); /* llamada recursiva */
else {
if (random(100) > GANAS_DE_SONREIR) {
sonrisa_tonta ();
cara_tonta ();
printf ("amor... tización\n"); /* Decimos algo con amor */
mover (pulgares, TOPE_GUAY); /* Gesto con los pulgares */
printf ("topeeeee...\n"); /* tope-guay */
}
return -1;
/* Si se ha terminado la explicación, algo falla */
}
}
int contestar_alumno (char pregunta[])
{
if (!saber(respuesta(pregunta))) {
fprintf (stderr, "Es que eso es muy complicado para que ustedes\n");
fprintf (stderr, "lo entiendan...\n"); /* Salimos por la tangente */
return -1;
} else {
explicar (conseto(pregunta));
/* Si ejecutamos lo siguiente explicar devolvió -1 */
if (alumno.decir() == "dinero") {
printf ("Muy bien. Lo has entendido\n");
printf ("Una palabra muy bonita\n");
} else {
for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) printf ("no...\n");
dar_paso_de_Michael_Jackson ();
}
return 0;
}
}
int escribir (FILE *pizarra, char *consetos[])
{
set_font_size (4);
set_font_style (symbol);
for (int i = 0; i < random(50); i++) fprintf (pizarra, consetos[i]);
if (alumnos.ponercara(no_entiendo_nada)) return 0;
else if (alumnos.ponercara(aahhh_ya_entiendo)) return -1;
}
Hipótesis sobre el significado de IBMIdiots Build Me (Me construyeron unos idiotas) Inferior But Marketable (Inferior aunque vendible) It's Better Manually (Mejor hazlo a mano) Insidious Black Magic (Magia negra insidiosa/acechante) It's Been Malfunctioning (Ha estado funcionando mal) Excepto el primero, todos han sido extraidos del Jargon File, versión 4.0.0 del 24 de julio del 96. MCSA (Más chistes sobre acrónimos)MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software
Only Fools Teenagers
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
DOS Defective Operating System
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating
System Hangs
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrectly
Understanding Mathematics
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM I Blame Microsoft
DEC Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW World Wide Wait
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
SCSI System Can't See It
GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Sacados de la lista de chistes de la ULPGC, cortesía del colega
Akira
IMAGINE (John Lennon)Imagine there's no Windows, It's easy if you try. No fattal errors or new bugs To kill your hard drives. Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Leaving us in peace! Imagine neverending hard disks, It isn't hard to do. Nothing to del or wipe off And no floppy too Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Sharing all his money. You may say I'm a hacker, But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us And your games will fit in RAM Imagine 1-Giga RAM I wonder if you can. No need for left-shifts or setups And no booting again and again. Imagine all the systems Working all life-time! You may say I'm a hacker, But I'm not the only one. Maybe someday I'll be a cracker And then I'll make Windows run. Addicted To Vi (with apologies to Robert Palmer)You press the keys with no effect, Your mode is not correct. The screen blurs, your fingers shake; You forgot to press escape. Can't insert, can't delete, Cursor keys won't repeat. You try to quit, but can't leave, An extra "bang" is all you need. You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're gonna have to face it; You're addicted to vi! You edit files one at a time; That doesn't seem too out of line? You don't think of keys to bind-- A meta key would blow your mind. H, J, K, L? You're not annoyed? Expressions must be a Joy! Just press "f", or is it "t"? Maybe "n", or just "g"? Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're gonna have to face it; You're addicted to vi! Might as well face it, You're addicted to vi! You press the keys without effect, Your life is now a wreck. What a waste! Such a shame! And all you have is vi to blame. Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're gonna have to face it; You're addicted to vi! Might as well face it, You're addicted to vi! Copyright 1989, by Chuck Musciano. All Rights Reserved. Windows(tm) '95 source-code!!!!!/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date:
Summer 1994^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HSpring 1995
*/
#include "win31.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
/*
Reference:
Internal memo #99281-95 from:
William H. Gates III
to:
Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project
William H. Gates III wrote:
"I have serious doubts about the 'EASY' installation-definition.
It might prevent customers to think that they actually bought something
_good_. Therefore I want the installation-definition to be 'HARD'.
Carry on,
God^H^H^HBill
"
*/
#define INSTALL = HARD
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if(first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if(still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
/*
Reference:
Internal memo #99683-95 from:
Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project
to:
William H. Gates III
Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project wrote:
"Dear Sir,
Since we have found that this last piece of code within the 'if'-statement
will never execute, we descided NOT to include it in the final code.
This way we will save atleast another 5 megabytes of consumer-diskspace!
Thank you for listening to us,
the executive managers of the Chicago(tm)-project
"
*/
/*
if(still_not_crashed)
{
write_cheer();
finished();
}
*/
create_general_protection_fault();
}
Código del Windows 95 (y 2) TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE
#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) {
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers,start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff,permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) {
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
"the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start anew memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM,"Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL,SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) {
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) {
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems) {
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if(smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play) {
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this bastard");
}
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
You can't parse this (You can't touch this)my assignments hit me so hard make me say, "oh my lord thank you for blessin me with a load to code and a 2 hype seat" right here, in front of a Sparc looks good in the light, looks better in the dark but it tells me - in a manner quite harsh "This is a string I can't parse" (I told ya, kludge-boy) Can't Parse This (yea, a fatal error and you know) Can't Parse This (look at that code, maaaan) Can't Parse This (yo lemme bust some funky diagnostics) "fresh new bugs, and errors your code is more than compiler terror it's rotten - to the core i don't like it but you know i'll get more than i can handle hold on identifier not found or your semicolon's gone step back - step back can't you see i'm developing a crack in my hardware - your code's a farce cause this is a string I Can't Parse" (yo i told ya) Can't Parse This (why you sittin there, man) Can't Parse This (yo, sound the terminal bell, ya got mail, sucka) compile-time bugs disrupt my rhythm it's tellin me trash is what i'm givin him it's garbage, in and out but instead of a nice little a.out i get feedback fed back to me by this here RISC machine no fun what's it gonna take in the 90s to run these programs 4GLs? either learn those or wind up in hell that's longWORD because you know Can't Parse This Can't Parse This top-down! Stop! Compile Time! go with the flow it is said if you can't write in C then you probably are dead so wave K&R in the air waste a few nights, run your fingers thru your hair this is it no dinner - code like this and you'll surely get thinner sitting on your rump watch your machine cause it's gonna do a dump dump dump dump (core dumped) Can't Parse This Can't Parse This (ya better get Turbo cause I can't) I Can't Parse This (ring the bell, your mail's been returned) shutdown! Stop! Link Time! Can't Parse This Can't Parse This Can't Parse This slowdown! Stop! Run Time! every time I program it complains about my code maybe i'm in the wrong book or Emacs is in the wrong mode now i know that i'll never stop doing this cause our 3rd party software keeps on giving us fits i did an RTFM read K&R all day it's "Error!" "Big Error!" "Nasty Error!" "FATAL ERROR!" so instead i'll go and play Can't Parse This Can't Parse This I Can't Parse This (yeah) Can't Parse This (i told ya, wahoos,) Can't Parse This (too many symbols) Can't Parse This (yo, we're outa here) Can't P-- bus error (core dumped) (c) 1991 Radio Free Lerxstwood Humor informáticoGateway to heaven (Stairway to heaven)There's a lady who knows All the systems and nodes And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven She telnets there, she knows All the ports have been closed With a nerd she can get Files she came for Woohoohoo Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven There's an motd But she wants to be sure Cos she knows sometimes hosts have Two domains In a path by the NIC There's a burdvax that pings Sometimes all of our flames are cross-posted Woohoohoo Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven And it's processed by root Unix Labs will reboot NCR will then listen to reason And a prompt will respawn For those yet to logon And the networks will echo much faster Woohoohoo Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven If there's a lookup in your netstat don't be .alarmed now it's just a pinging from the link queen Yes there are two routes you can type in but in the long run there's still time to change the net you're on (I hope so!) And as we find stuff to download We ftp and we chmod There was a sysadm we know Who changed the server to her own She had root privs and she used chown She hacked out on the DDN And if you tail her stdin Then you will find what you had lost And get it back with cpio To be a hack and not to scroll... And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven Eileen "ET" Tronolone Tap my wire ("Light my fire")You know that I would be untrue You know that I would be a 'foo' If I was to say to you We couldn't hack ourselves to root Come on hackers tap a wire Come on hackers tap a wire Try to set the mode-bits higher The time to sit and watch is gone No time to linger in the shell Try to make crack-programs run Yes we will make the tty's bell Come on hackers tap a wire Come on hackers tap a wire Try to set the mode-bits higher Maarten Los Órdenes de UNIX con resultados curiosos * % make fire
Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.
* % why not?
No match.
* % gotta light?
No match.
* % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
* % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
* % [Where is my brain?
Missing ].
* % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
* % ^How did the sex change operation go?
Bad substitute.
* % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.
* % man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
* % \(-
(-: Command not found.
* % cd /tmp
% touch this; chmod 000 this
% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
% U this
U: cannot touch this: no write permission
* % ar m God
ar: God does not exist
* % sleep with me
bad character
* % ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
* % drink bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
* % nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
* % man p***y
No manual entry for p***y.
* % rm God
rm: God nonexistent
* % ar r God
ar: creating God
* % man you
No manual entry for you.
* % scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found
* % cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
* % look into "my eyes"
look: cannot open my eyes
* % lost
lost: not found
* % mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
yellow_pages: Is a directory
* %touch me
%chmod 000 me
%touch me
touch: cannot touch me: permission denied
* % ar x "matey, the treasure"
ar: matey, the treasure does not exist
* % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '
Evolución de un programadorHigh School/Jr.High
===================
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
=====================
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
======================
(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
================
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n");
}
Seasoned professional
=====================
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
Apprentice Hacker
===================
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: > !\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
===================
#include <stdio.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
===================
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Guru Hacker
===================
% cat
Hello, world.
^D
New Manager
===================
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
===================
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, World."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
===================
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
===================
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Los códigos de error desconocidos de Win '95Recently the following undocumented error-codes were found. MicroSoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so here they are: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Rame needed. More! More! More! WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ? WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of. WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore. WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not! WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry. WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that. WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute. WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code. WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers. WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost. WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticaly be closed and the virus will be activated again. WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue. WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many erros encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded. WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure. WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50.312.583 Bytes available Historia de la RedFirst there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis. Dennis was unimpressed with God. So,... God created Brian. But, Brian got bored with God. So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C, and saw that it was good. So he decided to let Brian and Dennis play some more. Then Brian and Dennis created Unix. God saw Unix, and he was jealous. So he created Bill to torment Brian and Dennis and obscure their creation (for God could not destroy Unix, for he secretly admired its perfection). So Bill created Microsoft. And Microsoft created Windows. And God saw that it was bad, but it had market share, so he was happy. Then Bill got cocky, and his ego got bigger than God's. So to knock Bill down a couple of pegs, God put into effect, a wondrous plan. First God created Tim. And Tim created the World Wide Web (using Unix, of course). This was good, but not THAT good. So God created Marc. Marc created Mosaic (using Unix, of course). Mosaic created a huge feeding frenzy that has got a lot of people who are reading this their jobs. But that's a different story. Mosaic was good, and God saw it was good, so he allowed Marc to start Netscape. Back to this later. But all this time Brian and Dennis started to make something better than Unix called Plan 9 (because God was successful in foiling Brian and Dennis' previous seven plans [there was no Plan 8 because Brian and Dennis pulled the wool over God's eyes and just jumped to Plan 9, which was too bright a move for even God to figure out.] ) Eventually, God figured out how to create Larry. No one knows how or why he created Larry, except perhaps to reduce productivity at the Jet Propulsion Labs at NASA. [Rumors are that God created Larry because he secretly liked what Dennis and Brian had done with C, but didn't think C and Unix was enough -- this probably isn't true because God believed he had destroyed Brian and Dennis' plans by destroying Plans 1-7, and by creating Microsoft to slay their beloved Unix. Anyhow, Larry created Perl (using Unix and C, of course), and God saw it was good, so he made Randal. Larry and Randal wrote books about Perl. And everyone saw that this was good, except snobs who were too much into C, Windows, and Intel. (It so happens that Randal was so cool he figured out a way to break into Unix at Intel, and Intel sued him for it but that's another story also -- chances are Randal would not have been able to break into *Plan 9* at Intel, but Intel isn't cool enough to be running Plan 9) Anyhow, back to Randal. So Randal and Larry wrote books, but they had to be nice because of the people they worked for. So then came Tom. But back to Tom later. Anyhow, God saw Netscape (made using Unix and C, of course), and he saw it was good, and that annoyed Bill quite a bit. And that made Him very happy, and made Marc very rich. But Bill was very very rich. But that's a *completely* different story. But as good as Larry's creation, Perl, was, it couldn't do everything, so God created Scott. Scott announced Java, and this was big news. Now Java really pissed Bill off, because Bill also created Blackbird, and Java killed Blackbird. This was bad because killing Blackbird also meant killing the Microsoft Network. And many rejoiced over that, but that, too is another story. Now Java, obviously had done much to annoy Bill. For Java was so good that Bill had to license Java. All this time, Scott poked lots of fun at Bill because Sun, which was where Scott worked, made a better OS, derived -- of course -- from Unix, which was better than Bill's and Microsoft's Windows. Anyhow, even God's creations Steve and Steve who created Apple couldn't make Bill license the much superior MacOS. But finally, Bill had to license Java. So justice was served, and Bill's ego was served him on a platter for him to eat his words. Or something. That part is unclear. So by this time Windows and Microsoft and Bill in general really sucked. Especially considering the advantages that Brian and Dennis' C and Unix, running Marc's Netscape and Mosaic over Tim's World Wide Web, doing cool CGI stuff with Larry's Perl, which you learned from Randal and Tom, and got to program with Scott's Java. And God realized he had put Bill down too far. So then God made it so that Marc's Netscape and Mosaic could run on Windows. We already know that Bill had to license Java from Scott. We know that Bill missed the boat for not beating Tim to the punch on the World Wide Web. The last straw was for God to make it possible for Larry's Perl to run on Bill's Windows. So back to Tom. Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but Tom's a God so there isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom from saying things like "install an operating system on your poor lonely computer the way God and Dennis intended", and "Espousing the eponymous /cgi-bin/perl.exe?FMH.pl execution model is like reading a suicide note -- three days too late." The moral to the story? God is fickle. That's why Microsoft and Bill and Windows exists. Do what God intended, install C, Unix, Mosaic/Netscape, Java, and Perl on your system, and make Brian, Dennis, Larry, Tim, Tom, Randal, Scott, and even Steve and Steve, I'm sure, happy by doing so. Oh yeah, Linus was cool too. He's the guy you thank for being able to run all the cool stuff on your crappy little Pee Cee. (anything with x86 on it, by default, is crappy, no PERSONAL flames intended) The Swapper ("The Seeker", de los "Who")I've looked in kernel memory, I've looked in the tables. I try to find some core For fifty million pages. They call me the swapper. I've been searching low and high. Unix won't run out of memory Till the day I die. I asked Dennis Ritchie, I asked Ken Thompson. I asked comp.unix.wizards, But they couldn't help me either. They call me the swapper. I've been searching low and high. Unix won't run out of memory Till the day I die. People tend to hate me, Cause I swap too slow. As I page out their jobs They want to shake my hand. Focusing on swap space, Investigating pagefaults, I'm a pagedaemon, I'm a very desperate hack. Unix won't run out of memory Till the day I die. I learned how to raise resident set size. Yeah, but look at this process it's mem'ry bound! I'm happy when you segfault, and when you run thrash.c I crash. I get values but I Don't know how or why! I'm looking for core, You're looking for CPU, We're running on the same box, And we don't know what to do! They call me the swapper. I've been searching low and high. Unix won't run out of memory Till the day I die. Si Micro$oft hiciera cochesThe Top-14 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars. (drumroll, please...)1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this. 4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats. 5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a sec, it's that way NOW! 6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads. 7. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light. 8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years. 9. We would still be waiting on the "6000 sux 58'" model to come out. 10. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm). 11. Lee Iacocca would be hired on as Bill G.'s chauffeur. 12. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them. 13. New seats will force everyone to have the same size ass. 14. Ford, General Motors and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting a radio in all its models. Extracto de apuntesEste texto es un extracto de los apuntes de clase de "Informática de la Gestión Empresarial" del Kalamá, que indican cómo piensa en general un informático respecto a estos temas.(...) Como siempre, el análisis económico primará sobre todos los otros posibles análisis y determinará la elección de un proyecto. Esto es una prueba más de la carencia total de escrúpulos y la ausencia de moral de un sistema caduco, decadente e inhumano como el capitalista. La existencia del hombre debe prevalecer sobre la aplicación del sistema, y no supeditarse a él. Frases simpáticasLas tres virtudes del buen programador (según Larry Wall)
Nueva letra de SomethingSomething in the way it fails, Something in the way it coredumps... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this problem somehow Somewhere in the memory I know, A pointer's got to be corrupted. Stepping in the debugger will show me... I don't want to leave it now I'm too close to leave it now You're asking me can this code go? I don't know, I don't know... What sequence causes it to blow? I don't know, I don't know... Something in the initializing code? And all I have to do is think of it! Something in the listing will show me... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this tonight I vow! Letra de UNIX man ("Nowhere man")He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody. Knows the blocksize from du(1) Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn't he a bit like you And me? UNIX Man, please listen(2) My lpd(8) is missin' UNIX Man The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command. He's as wise as he can be Uses lex and yacc and C UNIX Man, can you help me At all? UNIX Man, don't worry Test with time(1), don't hurry UNIX Man The new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody ... Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody. De cuando a BillyPuertas le tiraron una tarta a la cara"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"
"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."
"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"
"No"
"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your
name?"
"Bill Gates"
"Country?"
"The USA"
"Native language?"
"English."
"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please use
this number the next
time you call. Now, you say you were hit in the face with a pie?"
"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One
person distracted me while
another hit me with a cream pie."
"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face with
a custard pie. Are you sure it
was a cream pie?"
"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any
custard, so I really don't think it was
a custard pie."
"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"
"Yes"
"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"
"No"
"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?"
"Yes"
"Any pies then?"
"No"
"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and come in
again. I'll wait."
"Just a minute.." (several minutes pass) "Okay, I'm back."
"Did you get hit by another pie?"
"Of course not"
"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but it
looks like things are working
fine now. I'll make a note of the problem, though. If it happens
again, please note the exact details
of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the Brussels
Police Department. (click)"
Chistes cortos
El lenguaje de los vendedores de ordenadoresWhat they say: What they mean: New Different colors from previous version. All New Not compatible with previous version. Exclusive Nobody else has documentation. Unmatched Almost as good as the competition. Design Simplicity The company wouldn't give us any money. Fool-proof Operation All parameters are hard-coded. Advanced Design Nobody really understands it. Here At Last Didn't get it done on time. Field Tested We don't have any simulators. Years of Development Finally got one to work. Unprecedented Performance Nothing ever ran this slow before. Revolutionary Disk drives go 'round and 'round. Futuristic Only runs on a next generation supercomputer. No Maintenance Impossible to fix. Performance Proven Worked through Beta test. Meets Tough Quality Standards It compiles without errors. Satisfaction Guaranteed We'll send you another pack if it fails. Stock Item We shipped it before and can do it again. Propuesta de nuevas instrucciones para el PDP-11Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set: BBW Branch Both Ways (Salta a los dos lados) BEW Branch Either Way (Salta a cualquier lado) BBBF Branch on Bit Bucket Full (Salta si /dev/null está lleno) BH Branch and Hang (Salta y cuélgate) BMR Branch Multiple Registers (Salta por varios registros) BOB Branch On Bug (Salta si hay un fallo en el programa) BPO Branch on Power Off (Salta al apagarse la máquina) BST Backspace and Stretch Tape (Borra y estira la cinta ¿?) CDS Condense and Destroy System (Condensa ¿? y destruye el sistema) CLBR Clobber Register (Machacar registro) CLBRI Clobber Register Immediately (Machacar registro _inmediatamente_) CM Circulate Memory («Publica» el contenido de la memoria) CMFRM Come From -- essential for truly structured programming (Ven de -- esencial para la programación estructurada de verdad) CPPR Crumple Printer Paper and Rip (Desmenuza el papel de la impresora y rájalo) CRN Convert to Roman Numerals (Convertir a números romanos) Comunicación con Marte con Linux/* * [...] Note that 120 sec is defined in the protocol as the maximum * possible RTT. I guess we'll have to use something other than TCP * to talk to the University of Mars. * PAWS allows us longer timeouts and large windows, so once implemented * ftp to mars will work nicely. */ (from /usr/src/linux/net/inet/tcp.c, concerning RTT [retransmission timeout]) Pequeño programaEste pequeño programa está en la firma de Marco Foglia, un programador de Linux:#include <math.h>
main(){int i=5;for(;i;)printf("%c\n",(int)(81+7.3*sin(i---5.75)));}
Coge un compilador de C y prueba este código...
Chiste informáticoUn biólogo, un estadista, un matemático y un informático están en un Safari en África. Mientras conducen por la sabana, se paran y miran al horizonte con los prismáticos.El biólogo: «¡Mirad! Un grupo de cebras! ¡Y hay una blanca! ¡Fantástico, seremos famosos!» El estadista: «¡Eh, calmaos, no es significativo. Sólo sabemos que hay una cebra blanca!» El matemático: «En realidad, sólo sabemos que existe una cebra que es blanca por una cara» El informático: «¡Oh, no, un caso particular!» Sobre Dios...Richard M. Stallman (líder del proyecto GNU, y programador principal de EMACS), Linus Torvalds (líder del desarrollo de Linux) y Donald E. Knuth (entre otras cosas, autor de TeX y de los, probablemente, mejores libros escritos nunca sobre programación) se enzarzan en una discusión sobre quién ha tenido un mayor impacto en el mundo informático.Stallman: «¡Dios me dijo que yo había programado el mejor editor del mundo!» Torvalds: «¡Pues a mi Dios me dijo *yo* he programado el mejor sistema operativo del mundo!» Knuth: «Un momento, un momento. Yo nunca dije nada de eso» Fuentes de Windows 98Tras una ardua labor de investigación, se ha podido destapar el verdadero codigo fuente de W98.#include "Win30.h"
#include "Win31.h"
#include "Win95.h"
#include "AlgoMas.h"
#include "CodigoAntiguo.h"
#include "NormasDeBillGates.h"
#include "CosasDeRelleno.h"
#include "Monopoly.h"
#define INSTALAR TODO_SIN_EXCEPCION_Y_A_LO_BESTIA
#define CASCAR -5483021548692487811456214478252114545621
static char Escritorio[16000000]; /* 16 Mb */
static char Accesorios[8000000]; /* 8 Mb */
static char Explorer4[4000000]; /* 4 Mb */
static char ProgramasDeUsuario[2000000]; /* 2 Mb */
static char MemoriaLibre[2000000]; /* 2 Mb */
int main()
{
while (NoCasque()) {
MostrarMensajeCopyright();
MostrarMensajeNormasBillGates();
DesactivarBotonReset();
BucleParaNoHacerNada();
if (PRIMERA_INSTALACION) {
while (TamanyoDiscoSwap() <
(ESPACIO_PARA_WINDOWS_ENTERITO * 5)) {
Ocupar50MbParaDiscoDeSwap();
BucleParaNoHacerNada();
}
EliminarSistemaDeArchivosHPFS();
EliminarCualquierRastroDeOS2();
DeshabilitarInstalacionDeNetscape();
DeshabilitarInstalacionDeRealPlayer();
if (QuedaAlgunRastroSospechoso())
ColgarSistema();
}
MostrarAlgunaCosaBonitaPeroInutil();
MostrarMensajeCopyrightOtraVez();
BucleParaNoHacerNada();
HacerVerQueHaceAlgo();
if (SigueSinCascar()) {
MostrarMensajeCopyrightOtraVez();
BucleParaNoHacerNada();
EjecutarWin31();
if (AunSigueSinCascar())
EjecutarWin30();
BucleParaNoHacerNada_1();
BucleParaNoHacerNada_2();
BucleParaNoHacerNada_3();
BucleParaNoHacerNada_Etcetera();
}
if (UsuarioNoAceptaWindowsComoAlgoUtil())
goto VETE_A_SABER_DONDE;
if (SeHaDetectadoCache())
DeshabilitarCache();
if (CPU_Rapida()) {
EstablecerEstadosDeEspera(MUCHISIMOS);
EstablecerRaton(VELOCIDAD, MUY_LENTO);
EstablecerRaton(ACCION, DESPLAZARSE_A_SALTOS);
EstablecerRaton(REACCION, A_VECES);
EstablecerTeclado(VELOCIDAD_PARPADEO, MUY_LENTO);
EstablecerTeclado(VELOCIDAD_REPETICION, MUY_LENTO);
}
/* printf("Bienvenido a Windows 3.0"); */
/* printf("Bienvenido a Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Bienvenido a Windows 95"); */
printf("Bienvenido a Windows 98");
if (CPU != INTEL) {
DeshabilitarRaton();
DesconfigurarTeclado();
ColgarSistema(INDICADOR_MSDOS);
} else {
MemoriaDeSistema = open("a:swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while (NoHayaSuficienteEspacioEnDisco())
printf("Inserte un nuevo disco en la unidad A:");
}
while (NOS_SALGA_DE_LOS_HUEVOS) {
sleep(5000);
ObtenerEntradaUsuario();
sleep(5000);
ReaccionarAPeticionUsuario();
}
if (ObtenerNumeroAlAzar() != BINGOOOO)
GenerarErrorDeProteccionGeneral();
/* Fin de bucle principal */
}
/* Finalizar sesión */
if (AunNoHaCascadoDelTodo()) {
if (ObtenerOtroNumeroAlAzar() != BINGOOOO) {
MandarExplorerALaMierda();
if (HayAlgoAbierto()) {
Accion = MostrarMensaje("¿Desea guardar los datos?");
if (Accion == SI)
GuardarDatos_JAJAJA();
MandarloTodoAlCarajo();
}
}
printf("Windows se está cerrando");
while (HAYA_PRISA)
sleep(5000);
if (UsuarioYaLlegaTardeDondeTeniaQueIr())
printf("Ahora puede apagar el equipo.");
}
return ((int)((long)((float)((double)((re double)CASCAR)))));
}
Más instrucciones para el PDP-11Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:
DC Divide and Conquer (dividir y vencer)
DMPK Destroy Memory Protect Key (destruir la clave de protección de
memoria)
DO Divide and Overflow (dividir y desbordar)
EMPC Emulate Pocket Calculator (simular calculadora de bolsillo)
EPI Execute Programmer Immediately (ejecutar programador inmediatamente)
EROS Erase Read Only Storage (borrar dispositivo de sólo lectura)
EXCE Execute Customer Engineer (ejecutar ingeniero de clientes)
HCF Halt and Catch Fire (parar la ejecución y ¿capturar el fuego?)
IBP Insert Bug and Proceed (introducir fallo en el programa y seguir)
INSQSW Insert into queue somewhere (for FINO queues [First in never out])
(insertar en algún sitio)
PBC Print and Break Chain (imprimir y romper cadena)
PDSK Punch Disk (romper disco)
Esteban Manchado 'ZoSo' - a2092@correo.dis.ulpgc.es como algunas cosas esta en ingles aqui tienen la vercion traducida >clik aqui<
Gracias por la visita eres la persona N:
armag2 Publicado en Thu Dec 22 16:41:01 CST 2005
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